Da Yoopers
Da Yooper Creation Story
In da beginning there was nuttin'
Den on da first day God created the U.P.
On the second day He created da partridge, da deer, da bear, da fish, and da ducks.
On da third day He said "Let there be YOOPERS to roam the U.P."
On the fourth day He created da udder world down below,
and on da fifth day He said "Let there be TROLLS to live in da world down below."
On da sixth day He created 'DA BRIDGE' so da TROLLS would have a way to get to Heaven.
God saw it was good and on the seventh day He went fishin' and watched da sunset from Brockway Mountain!!!
An' dese are Da Facts accordin' ta da way it wuz.
CAMPING ALERT, In the UP, tourists are warned to wear tiny bells on their clothing when hiking in the Porcupine Mountains. The bells warn away MOST bears. Tourists are also cautioned to watch the ground on the trail, paying particular attention to bear droppings to be alert for the presence of Black Bears. One can tell Black Bear droppings because of the tiny bells in it.
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Eino and Toivo were sitting at the Side Track in Baraga enjoying a few bottles of Old Milwaukee. As usually happens with bottled beer, the label came off the bottle. Now this label being rather attractive, caught Eino attention. Not sure what to do with this highly desirable bit of memorabilia, Eino decided to stick it to his forehead. Several beers later, or was it several hours later, Eino and Toivo decide it's time to start for home. Now, these two boys live in Pelkie, so, of course, they must drive home. As luck would have it, not two far down the road, the cops pull Eino and Toivo over. The officer asks, "Have you boys been drinking"? Eino wondering why the officer would ask such a thing ponders the officer question for several moments, shaking his head and pointing to his forehead he stutters, "No Siree, Officer. We're on da patch.
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A down stater (Troll)was sitting at the bar in L'Anse and asked the bartender if he would like to hear a Finnlander joke. The bartender leaned over and said, "Do you see that guy in the corner? He is the local sheriff, and he is a Finn. The man at end of the bar works for the DNR and he is a Finn. And buddy, I myself am of Finnish descent. Now, are you sure you still want to tell a Finnlander joke?" The down stater replied, "No, not if I have to explain it three times."
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Lempi took a job with Moyle Construction to paint lines on US41. The first day he painted ten miles. The boss was very impressed. The second day he painted two miles. The boss was a little disappointed. The third day he only painted 500 feet. The boss sat him down and said," Lempi, how come you paint ten miles the first day, two miles the next day, but only 500 feet today?". Lempi replied, "Well, ya see boss, each day I git farder and farder from da darn paint can".
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Teemu and Eino were driving their pickup truck to Michigammee. When they got to the traffic light in Negaunee, Teemu drove right through the red light. Eino cried, "Holywha, Teemu, what are you doing?" Teemu kept driving and replied, "Don't worry, my brother taught me to drive". When they got to the light in Ishpeming, Teemu drove through another red light. Eino asked, "Why do you keep runnin' dem red lights?". Teemu said, "Don't worry, my brother, he taught me ta drive". When they got to the light in West Ishpeming, Teemu slammed on the brakes and screeched to a halt at a green light. Eino asked, "Teemu, why do you drive through red lights but stop at green lights?". Teemu replied, "My brother might be coming da other way".
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Eino and Toivo were roofing their new deer camp out in Mass City. Every now and then Eino would take one of the nails and throw it to the ground. Toivo finally asked, "Hey Eino, what are you doing dat for?". Eino replied,"Some of these nails have da heads on the wrong side, so I am throwing dem away." Toivo chuckled and said, "Eino you dumb sitt! Dose nails are for da otter side of da house".
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Toivo was at the bar in Baraga drinking a Stroh's and watchin the Packers on the television when a big tall rancher from Texas came strolling in. The Texan started drinking and bragging to Toivo about how much money he made and how many head of cattle he owned. He said to Toivo in a loud voice, "I can drive all day and never reach the end of my property!". Toivo replied, "Yah, I got a pickup like dat too, mister."
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Eino and Toivo were driving down US 2 to Manistique when they saw a man selling pumpkins on the side of the road for one dollar each. Eino looked at Toivo and said, "Ya know, we could buy dose pumpkins and resell them and make some money". Toivo replied, "Yah, dat is a great idea!". So they stopped at the pumpkin stand and bought 100 of them. They paid the man $100 and drove down the road a few miles. They parked on the side of the road and put up a sign that read, "Pumpkins For Sale 1 Dollar each!". Throughout the day they had many customers, and when they started running out of pumpkins, Eino looked at Toivo and said, "Dis doesn't make much sense, Toivo. We are not making much money here." Toivo replied, "Yah, I know. We need to get a bigger pickup."
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Eino was coming out of Pickleman's Pantry in Newberry carrying a bag of pasties. Toivo was getting gas and saw him with the bag. "Hey, Eino. If I guess how many pasties you have in dat bag, can I have one?" Eino replied, "If you can guess how many I have, I'll give you both of them." Toivo answered, "Holywha! Okay, I think you have five of them."
You know you're a yOOper when:
- You own only three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup
- You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit
- You have more miles on your snow machine than your car
- You have at least 10 favorite recipes for venison
- You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard
- Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow
- You think everyone from the city has an accent
- You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons
- You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car
- The local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports
- Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof
- You think the start of deer hunting season is a national holiday
- Summer takes place the second week of July (and it still rains!!)
- You know which leaves make good toilet paper
- You find -20F a little chilly
- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer
- You attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots
- Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout
- You know the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.
- The municipality buys a zamboni before a bus
- You drink "Vernors" and play "Euchre"
- You actually 'get' these jokes, and forward them to all your Michigan friends
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